Running on Empty
Last month, I was smacked down with a shigella bacterial infection that came fully loaded with a 103˚ fever, chills, dehydration, head aches, body aches, and tons of time in the restroom. Needless to say, I had lots of time to think, sleep, watch movies, and watch the World Track and Field Championships. Looking back, though, I believe this week of illness was merely a continuation of a message started last weekend by Bryan Clay and Pastor Dominick Kaaihue on choosing to listen to and believe truth, rather than allowing yourself to live your yesterdays today.
Continuing my obsession with all things running, I watched Prefontaine, Without Limits, and the Jesse Owens Story and found inspiration from the runners highlighted in these movies -- Steve Prefontaine and Jesse Owens. Along with Bryan Clay, they were blessed with talent in something that they are passionate about. I can only dream to be as gifted in running. Just like countless others, I am especially intrigued by Steve Prefontaine ("Pre") -- the great 3-miler from Oregon. I get the feeling that at times, he didn't believe he was as talented as he actually was. He knew he was good, but he also doubted himself. Just like Bryan Clay indicated, even the best sometimes doubt themselves. They start listening to the voices, either their own or of others, that tell them they aren't good enough.
We often carry around baggage from the past that holds us back from accomplishing great things in the present. Ryan Braithwaite, a 21-year-old, won the first medal ever for Barbados in the 110-meter hurdles over more likely winners, Americans Terrence Trammell and David Payne. The sports commentator mentioned something to the effect that athletes also carry around baggage, sometimes making it easier for less experienced competitors to perform without the same pressure. Maybe I've always preferred being an underdog for this reason.
Even as I was being inspired by all of these great runners, I found myself getting more and more frustrated at the thought of not being able to run again or even be active without knee pain. And I'm only getting older. I thought back to high school and actually wished I had run track instead of playing basketball so that I wouldn't have torn my ACL or had knee surgery. Maybe I'd be happier today... All this "if only" thinking is a hop, skip, and a jump to depression and regret, so part of the reason why I'm writing is to clarify the truth and stop listening to the lies. The truth is that I loved basketball. I lived, breathed, ate, and slept basketball. It was what I dreamed about and practiced. When my dreams didn't come true, I was beyond disappointed and maybe never fully recovered from the disappointment. In fact, after that, I don't think I ever persevered as long, worked as hard, or hoped and dreamed for anything as much as I did then. I've been running on empty since then.
So what now? Well, I suppose everyone does the best they can with the cards they are dealt. And in doing so, perhaps we find not the thing that we thought we wanted but some alternate plan for life that is greater because it requires us to deal with our disappointments and the realization that we sometimes have very little control over our circumstances. Since my infection, I've filled up on liquids and positive thoughts and gone out to do things I wouldn't have otherwise done. Just that little fuel has already gone a long way -- I completed my first triathlon, won second place in a photo contest, and did a 40-minute trail run yesterday -- how's that for efficiency?
